Of Love/ Of Passion

This post is a long time coming. I've had several people ask whether or not I'd update again. The truth is, I knew this post had to be about love, and that's the hardest topic for anyone to write about. I've studied love for years. I've taken many classes on it, and read many books. I've watched sappy love movies and deep films. I've spent half of my life trying to experience it and understand every aspect of the term. I don't think I'll ever fully understand it, and truthfully, either will you. What I can do is tell you what I think I've figured out so far.
Step 1: Defining the term.
Unfortunately, love is confused with many other things. People often use the word love to describe dependence, desperation, infatuation, confusion, lust, obsession, and most commonly, passion.
Dictionary.com defines love as

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7. sexual intercourse; copulation.

8. ( initial capital letter ) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12. the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

I see a few things wrong with all but one of these descriptions. 1 refers to passion itself. It is the definition of passion. 3 refers to lust. 4 has a point, but is not the term we're talking about here. 5 is a pet name. 6 is again passion. 7 is again lust. 8 is just silly. 9 is defining care. 10 is describing a hobby, as is 11. 12 is debatable. I debate that it isn't true, because all things must die. More on that later.

So, by process of elimination we have #2. Personal attachment. This is, in my opinion, the only true and accurate definition of love. 

 

Step 2: Clarify

True love is, as I've understood it, the unbreakable bond between two individuals that will never fade with time and will exist no matter what may happen. It is forgiveness and hope. It is a longing for, and a fear of loss. It is most often confused with Passion, which I would define as a burning chemistry between two individuals. Passion is the obsession we commonly call love. It starts in our chests and spreads like venom straight to our minds and limbs. It drives us to do things we could never imagine. It drives us insane.

True love does the opposite. It drives us to do good for ourselves and the individual in which the bond is shared. It drives us to be the very best person we could possibly be.

Step 3: Elaborate

The simplest way I've conceived to tell the difference between love and passion is to imagine loss. Think of the person you love the most. I'm not just talking about relationships or marriage. I'm referring to a parent or the most important and influential person in your life. For a lot of us this is our mother. I know for me it is, so I'll continue with this example. Now, imagine the loss of this individual. Really think about it. How would you feel if this person were no longer in your life? How long would it take you to recover from such a loss? How devastating would this loss be? How devastating would it be to this individual if you were gone forever? In most cases, it would be cripplingly devastating. If the answer were any different... if you think you could ever fully recover from this loss... then you need to rethink your actual love for this person. 

Love is unconditional. If you love your brother and he runs away from home, you will never stop missing him until you see him again. If you truly love your husband and he leaves you for another person, you will never stop being angry or sad. (Then, one must ask if it ever truly was love, as the bond wasn't mutual). If your child comes out as gay, and you banish him or her from your household and they comply with your demands, you will never stop feeling guilty or angry. If any of these feelings ever subside, you have to wonder if there ever truly was love in the first place. If you truly love your child, you will do everything in your power to understand him or her and help them to grow. If you love your husband, you will do everything in your power to be happy together. You will compromise and understand. You will let petty arguments fade away. You will apologize and show affection. If you love your brother you will never stop searching. You will want the best possible life for anyone that you love.

Passion is sometimes a certain greed or selfishness. It blinds people to the long term and only satisfies the immediate need for connection. It is what exists between two people when they kiss and feel that electricity flowing between them. It is a desire to have another person all to oneself, but usually without consideration of the other person, or any other persons involved. This is not to say that passion cannot exist alongside love for two people. If two people are both truly in love, and have passion for one another, this is possible, as their need for one another is mutually fulfilled. Passion, however, seems to have a shorter lifespan. 

I often see people who are passionate about one another believe that they are in love and get married due to this. They both are mutually passionate, but have not appreciated one another enough to develop true love. The passion begins to fade, and the marriage falls apart. They then divorce and add another statistic to the fire. It is rare to see, but the beautiful sight of an elderly couple that has remained together and in love for years looks quite different than a younger, passionate couple. These older people have learned to truly appreciate one another and live their lives for one another's benefit. That, my friend, is love. I hope that everyone, someday, can find it for themselves. The world would be a better place.